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Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
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I am in shape. Round is a shape.
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Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
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Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
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Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
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Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears this is true.
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There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.
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In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
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I am a nutritional overachiever.
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I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
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Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
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A day without sunshine is like night..
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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
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The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
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Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes it comes alone.
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Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.
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