From TheMat.com


EDITORIAL: The Dad—dash—Coach
2/16/2005
Ted Witulski/USA Wrestling

1. Confused Roles—inflamed passion
2. Well-trained?
3. Over-all enjoyment

It is a phenomenon that has become more prevalent in the sport of wrestling. With the idea that wrestling is an individual sport and national travel becoming more a part of wrestling for younger and younger age groups, the age of the Dad—Dash—Coach seems to have arrived.

Gather at any “big-time” youth tournament and people are more likely to see small tribes of parents with their kids as opposed to the large youth clubs that once dominated the landscape. Parents now seem intent on filling a dual role in wrestling, being a proud supporter of their youth and purveyor of the keys to success in the sport of wrestling.

It is a difficult role for any parent to assume, and evidence of that can often be seen in the dustups that occur at youth events. More than a few times the dad-coach has been accused of living out their success and failures vicariously through their own wrestler. And, more than a few times tournament organizers have had to deal with nasty situations where a parent crossed the line of abuse towards their own child. Being the dad-coach brings out a whole string of topics that the wrestling community needs to consider. Undoubtedly, the dad-coach phenomenon is not something that will be done away with, but in the interest of the kids and the sport that we cherish there are ways to improve upon the role of the dad-coach.

Probably the over-arching concern that comes with being the dad-coach is the ability to maintain proper perspective. Wrestling coaches in general are an intense lot; however, the dad-coach role seems to even intensify the situations. A bad call isn’t just a mistake against a kid on the team, now it becomes a slight to one’s own flesh and blood. The intensity most certainly goes up a notch.

The dad-coach must look for a way to balance both roles as parent and coach. On the mat it is necessary for coaches to keep perspective and treat officials, opponents and tournament staff with respect. Bad calls and tough losses are bound to occur; instead of allowing thinking to degenerate into conspiratorial scenarios, the coaching role must prove to be the stronger influence.

The dad-coach must maintain the level-headedness of a coach. Tough breaks are times to showcase the work that needs to be done for a wrestler to ascend to a higher rank. Even the youngest wrestler must be readied to accept both winning and losing with maturity. When a call in the match changed the course of who won and who loss, it is a prime example of when wrestlers need to shoulder the burden.

Mark Perry, a red-shirt freshman for Iowa, recently lost a tough match in his hometown of Stillwater Oklahoma wrestling against the top-ranked Oklahoma State Cowboys—a team coached by Perry’s own uncle, the wrestling legend John Smith. After the loss, Perry had the maturity to say, "I don't like to make excuses.” Dad-coaches would do well to remember that statement.

The strongest advice most coaches give their wrestlers is to not make excuses, don’t look to put the blame on others, but to shoulder it for it will make you stronger. Dad-coaches are going to be susceptible to inflamed passions, but they have chosen the role of a coach. The best advice may be for the dad-coach to teach their children-wrestlers to follow legendary Coach Dan Gable’s advice, “Make Your Own Luck”.

Sometimes for a well-trained coach it can be a little maddening when they watch a youth match. Recently, a good example occurred at one of the Ultimate Challenge events. Two young scrappers were out on the mat. On both sides, the coaches were of the family variety, moms and dads serving that dual role. As one wrestler worked a half nelson, the defending wrestler’s corner could be heard yelling “grab his head.”

Trained coaches know that grabbinh his head isn’t the sound way to defend a half nelson. Sound advice though may not always be given from parents who are also coaches. It is somewhat of a myth in wrestling that only really high-level athletes need high-level coaching. The dad-coach (or in this case the parents) should make it a personal challenge to excel in the field of coaching.

Just using knowledge that they learned when they were wrestlers, or what they picked up at a couple local tournaments, doesn’t exactly model the excellence that they are trying to instill into their own child that they are coaching. The parent-coaches should seek out coaching clinics and real mat-time where they are on the mat working the moves with a partner their own size. This “on the mat” real wrestling education will also give them a newfound respect for how difficult and tiring the sport of wrestling can be. Parents must be prepared to build a strong foundation of wrestling skills for young wrestlers so that when they move on to higher levels, the next coach can truly advance the wrestler-child’s learning.

Finally, another important thing for the dad-coach to remember is that the younger ages of wrestling are meant to engrain the enjoyment of the sport into the wrestler. If the young son or daughter isn’t having fun in wrestling, then it does not matter how badly the parent may want them to continue wrestling. It is bitterly disappointing to see good young wrestlers quit the sport of wrestling because it became a chore instead of inherently fun.

Many outstanding American wrestlers started their careers relatively late compared to the tots and pee-wees that now chase around on the mats prior to tournaments. This past summer’s Olympic Silver Medalist Jamill Kelly did not start wrestling until the 9th grade. So, what’s the rush to indoctrinate into the militaristic discipline of wrestling at a young age?

Making sure that young kids love the sport of wrestling will go a long ways in keeping them in the sport until they are ready to light their own fires of determination and self-discipline.

Another important way that the dad-coach can make sure that their youngster is enjoying the sport of wrestling is to make sure they are surrounded by friends that love the sport as well. The dad-coach and son often travel to tournaments alone by choice. However, if the dad-coach would take a leadership role in getting more of the club’s kids to a major event, the memories would certainly be even more memorable. Who doesn’t look fondly on the relationships that they built in wrestling while traveling to a tournament?

The dad-coach can still coach their own kid, but it would be a tremendous service to the sport of wrestling if even more dad-coaches grew the sport by reaching out the other kids in the club. Consider the single-mom that wants her kid to love wrestling, but doesn’t have the ability to do it on her own. The best dad-coaches are the ones that are selfless, not just for their own flesh and blood. They are ready to move beyond being a coach of their own and just be a coach.

The dad-coach is a growing segment of the wrestling community in America. Passions have to remain in check, and professionalism must be a priority. Finally, young wrestlers must build on the feeling of overwhelming enjoyment on the mat and not suppress that sense of fun. The ultimate goal of the dad-coach should be the guy that loves the sport so much and succeeded in coaching his own kids that he is determined to become just a coach—the guy that will build a local club so that all young people have the opportunity to get to know the sport of wrestling.

Right on. High school coaches and ADs better get dialed into this concept if they want to win- Denson's staff is loaded with parents and look at the result. Dads coach these kids year round; we sit in hot gyms at midnight in Broken Kettle, Oklahoma, coaching a Greco finals match while the high school coach watches late night TV at home ( not all coaches- exceptions -Denson, Braun, Wofford, Skutt guys). We are not going to turn control of our wrestler over to a high school coach during folkstyle season who was not in that gym with us simply because that's the way the school wants it. Thanks for a great post Witulski.

I think you missed the point of the story.

There are excpetions to this rule--the names Kastler, Switzer, and Pokorny come to mind--but I think the point of the article was the harm that these dad-coaches can do.

I recently attended a younger kids tournament and it seemed apparent that some of these parents want it more than there kids do. Im not so much even talking about the older kids that will soon be competing at the high school level--im talking about the third and fourth graders that are crying on the mat while there parents are yelling at them to keep wrestling. The other thing that i saw was a parent telling his kid that if he felt like the other kid was choking him, to go ahead and choke him back if the ref wasnt going to stop the match. What kind of message does that send to the kid, do WHATEVER

oops..
it takes to win? even if that means harming the other wrestler. that completely changes it from wrestling to assault. Well maybe not assault, but you get the point. I think the most damage is done by these parents because they are trying to live a dream through there kids. sometimes the kids probably want it, but often enough they dont. and when you are forcing these kids to do something they dont want to do, they arent getting what they are supposed to out of a high school sport. IF their drive is no longer to win and be successful and rather if it has turned towards pleasing their parents, then the lessons learned from participating in high school sports will never be fully learned. SO, parents, please allow your children to do what they want to and love to do, simply wrestle and have fun.

Wait a minute, I've spent a couple of minutes matside but I've never really been a coach, wouldn't have the slightest idea how to be. Best coaching I've ever done in wrestling is the paperwork and entry fees plus driving a few thousand miles hauling wrestler's wherever. We had FUN, it was never work, it was fun EVERYTIME, when we didn't have the coach we went anyway, we learned every time and it was amazing how many times a qualified coach helped out or reached out with help, praise and critiques. Coach Pokorny has reached out to hundreds like us and many other wrestling coaches do the same. Out here its not like there is an option, choosing a different school or a different coach was never even an iota of the equation, in fact, in Ord it would never need to be. I looked forward to the day when a real coach, our high school coach, was the man in the corner of the mat all the time, besides, he's a ' Dad ' too and actually knows what he's doing. Can't count how many he's reached out to, its what real coaches do. I'm just a dad, I like it that way. I could write a lengthy paper on all the types of coaches I've analyzed, Dad's too, and Dad's that think they are coach; it would be full of praise for those coaches that employ positive methods of reinforcement, not a lot a space devoted to those that use the opposite, praise to the Dad's that drive the car to 2 or 3 events per weekend in Dec., Jan., Feb., March, April, to those that fill the coach's corner in his absence, but not a lot of space left for Dad's who believe they are better at it than the real Coach. Regardless, clubs need dads, even ones like me, the eternal apprentice.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: TK,

TK I'm the one who listed your name earlier...and what I meant is exactly what you were talking about, doing the paperwork, driving all the miles, being supportive and having fun...that's some of the best coaching you can do for your sons, right there!

hey guest, thanks. Just didn't think a dad, non qualified coach belonged in that category with Coach Pokorny. I do see going on exactly what is portrayed in the article, Dad/Coach situations, I'm just not one of them and I'm not convinced its a positive thing to be occurring. I've enjoyed watching dswitz's son wrestle numerous times, if he got all that knowledge, skill and talent from his Dad, then right there is a very positive Dad/Coach situation to applaud; however I personally suspect there are actually very few examples like this.