Dear Everybody,
Oh my goodness. I'm so nervous. This is the first time I have ever used one of these computer things and I'm just not sure what to do. I have been very confused about something and I have been ashamed to ask for fear people will think I'm a stupid old lady. I finally worked up the gumption to ask my next door neighbor, Mathilda, about it. She's so nice, she didn't make fun of me at all. She said her grandson visits a wetsite called huskermat.com and gets lots of information there. I had never heard of a wetsite but I didn't want to ask again. My hearing isn't what it used to be and Mathilda's is worse and she always has the TV blaring loud enough to wake the dead. She wrote huskermat.com on a piece of paper and told me to go home and type it into my computer. Well, I don't have a computer and I don't think I want one. Henry, may he rest in peace, always said they were the work of the devil. But I remembered the little girl across the street told me that she didn't have a computer either but she goes to the city library. It's really more like a small village library but when Sam Frumpwelder was the mayor he thought city sounded more big time and maybe the folks in Omaha and Lincoln wouldn't make fun of us. I got to the library and didn't know what to do so I asked the library lady what to do. She's so nice, she didn't laugh at me or call me a stupid old lady, she just typed in huskermat.com and then told me to just pretend like I was writing a letter to all of my nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephews. She told me it would go to all of the people on huskermat.com and one of them would be able to answer my questions for me. I think that's really great. I don't have to buy stamps or lick them. Henry, may he rest in peace, always hated to lick stamps. He said the glue stuck to his tongue and then his tongue would hit his dentures and pull them out.

My confusion started about two months ago. I had been shut up all winter and felt like I'd pop my buttons if I didn't get out and do something. I had read in our monthly newspaper that there was going to be a garden show in the next town so I decided to go. Henry, may he rest in peace, didn't like for me to drive on the highway. He said I wasn't a good enough driver but I think he was just jealous because I was better than him at keeping the left wheels on the dotted white line. I got to the next town and don't think the wheels got off that dotted white line more than three or four times. I didn't know where the garden show would be held, but right away I saw lots of cars in a parking lot and more cars driving in to that parking lot so I figured I was in the right spot. I was very careful when I parked to be sure that I had both the front and back wheels on the white line. The people in that town always look down their noses at people from my town. They would see by my license tags where I was from and I didn't want them to think that I was a stupid old lady. When I got out of the car I knew I was in the right spot because I could hear people talking about seeds. I got so excited and hurried right into the building. It was totally different from any garden show I'd ever gone to in my life. I went into a big room with lots of seats along the side of the room. Most garden show have chairs sitting on the floor. But these seats went up so the people in each row could see over the people in front of them. I thought that was a great idea and knew I'd really enjoy this garden show. But what really puzzled me was what I saw on the floor. There were three big squares, all different colors, with circles on them. I decided it must be some kind of colored potting soil and they were going to demonstrate planting techniques in them. About that time I got real scared because three men walked into the room and one stood in the middle of each square of potting soil. Henry, may he rest in peace, always told me there was a big prison in that town and I think these three must have escaped because they were still wearing their striped prisoner shirts. Then the next thi

Oh my goodness. The library lady, she's so nice, just came over and told me a body could only use the computer thing for 30 minutes and then it was the next person's turn. Tomorrow is Wednesday so it's wash day. I think it's going to be warm and breezy so it should be a good drying day. If it is I'll come back tomorrow night and ask the rest of my questions. If I don't get back tomorrow I won't be able to ask until next week because my niece is coming to pick me up to go to her house for Easter. She's so nice to come get me because I get nervous driving in a big town and Geneva is so big.

Love,

Auntie Mame

I didn't know that the library in Ohiowa had internet access! Anybody catching any fish at the new lake, Iron Horse I think?

I think I know your brother:

Wow, that was very interesting. In a sort of I have way too much time on my hands kinda way.

Dear Everybody,
Oh my goodness. It was such a great day. I got my wash done and dried. A naughty old sparrow soiled my pillowcase so I had to wash it again. But that happened early in the day so I rewashed it and it had time to dry. I'm so happy to be back with you folks, you're so nice, and I'm sure you can answer my questions.

Let's see. Where was I? Oh yes. I had just told you about the convicts standing in the middle of the potting soil. Then two young boys ran out into the potting soil. They were really dressed funny. They had on bathing suits like Henry, may he rest in peace, used to wear. I'm glad to see that they are bringing that style back. The last time I was at the swimming pool the boys were wearing bathing suits that didn't cover their chests at all. Henry, may he rest in peace, said that was the work of the devil. I didn't know why they were wearing bathing suits because I couldn't see any water but then I decided they would be working very hard digging in that potting soil and that would help them keep cool. Both of the boys had funny things over their ears that I couldn't figure out. Then I remembered that Henry, may he rest in peace, went to a business conference that had people from all over the world and part of Kansas there. They all wore those funny things over their ears. When the speaker said something in American somehow those funny ear things changed it into German, Chinese, French, or any other language that you wanted to hear. I decided those boys were from some foreign country like Iowa and they couldn't understand the directions on where to dig and plant. Oh my, I hope they weren't slaves that had been stolen from their countries to do our garden work. There was something else that was funny about their costumes. I'm embarrassed to tell you this but after our wedding, Henry, may he rest in peace, lifted my skirt up almost to my knee and took off my garter. Then he threw it to a group of young men that were standing nearby. He said it meant that whoever caught it would be the next groom. Well those young boys must go to lots of weddings because they each had two garters. My garter was white, but one of the boys had red garters and the other had green. Times sure have changed. Then I saw the convict also had two garters, one red and one green. He wore his on his wrists. Maybe his feet were too big to get the garters over them.

The convict called the two boys together and introduced them to each other. Then the boys took ahold of each other's necks and commenced to dance in the potting soil. One of them must have said something that insulted the other one because the other one grabbed him and threw him down in the potting soil and then jumped on top of him. The convict threw his hand up as high as he could reach and gave the peace sign but they didn't pay him no mind. They kept right on grabbing each other and rolling around on each other. I thought their mamas would go to the potting soil and give them a stern tongue lashing but they didn't do it. Maybe they had sick babies at home and they couldn't come to the garden show. When the convict saw that their mamas weren't going to do anything about their unruly behavior he got down in the potting soil beside them and started to wave his hand from side to side to try to get them to stop. They didn't stop so he raised his hand and tried to slap one of them. Well, they moved just as he slapped at them and he slapped the potting soil instead. That scared them because they stopped being naughty and stood up. When they stood up he took both of them by the wrist and gave them a talking to. I wasn't as scared of him after that because I thought he must be kind of nice. He must have told those boys that he didn't want them to go to jail like he had. Then he raised one boy's hand. I think the convict was congratulating him for being the first one to apologize to the other. He did punish both of them by making them take off their garters and leaving them in the potting soil. That was probably good because they looked awfully young to be the next grooms anyway.

There was one other thing that I thought was ver Oh my goodness. Here comes the library lady, she's so nice, to tell me that my half hour is up and I have to share the computer thing with the next person in line. I will finish my questions next week when I get back from Geneva, or is it Genoa? I get a little mixed up sometimes. Happy Easter, everybody.

Love,
Auntie Mame

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Auntie Mame,

[QUOTE]Originally posted by 4Huskers:
I think I know your brother:


Dear Mr. 4Huskers,
Thank you for showing me that picture. You're so nice. That's not my brother but seeing that picture took a big load off my mind. You see, I've been so worried since Henry, may he rest in peace, passed away that people would think that I'm a stupid old lady. I don't know why, but when I saw that picture I suddenly remembered what Mama used to say. Stupid is as stupid does. I know that I'll sleep much better now that I remember Mama's words of wisdom.

Love,
Auntie Mame

Hey RR can you move this to the back 9. Im ok with someone wanting to have fun but this doesnt involve wrestling so it should be on the back 9 and they can have fun there.

Dear Everyone,
I ended up staying with my niece, Denise, longer than I had expected for Easter. She's so nice but I can't say the same for her brother, Denephew. He kept knocking the little kids down and taking their eggs during the Easter egg hunt. I told him that since he has turned 40 he should stay out of the kids' hunt, but he just scowled and told me to mind my own business.

I told you I couldn't remember whether my niece lived in Geneva or Genoa. It's neither. She lives in Gothenburg. I knew it started with a G.

I want to tell you one more thing about the garden show and then you can help me with my questions. I am happy to report that the sponsors of the garden show are very sympathetic with handicapped people. They had set 2 chairs in two corners of the potting soil and let 4 men sit in those chairs. I think they must be men who are nearly blind so they let them sit close to where the young boys were doing whatever it was they were doing so they could see better. As I watched them I think I know why they are going blind. They got so upset and yelled so loud that their faces got so red I thought their eyes would pop out of their heads. I'm sure that is very damaging to their eyes.

Here is my question and I hope one of you nice folks can answer it for me. I heard people talking about seeds but I never saw anyone plant any seeds. They had nice colored potting soil beds but I never saw anyone dig in the potting soil to plant or get it ready to plant. Do you think it really was a garden show or did I get confused and go to the wrong place? If it wasn't a garden show was it some kind of a pagan ritual? I hope one of you nice folks have seen something like this before and can help me.

Love,

Auntie Mame

quote:

Originally posted by Auntie Mame:
I told you I couldn't remember whether my niece lived in Geneva or Genoa. It's neither. She lives in Gothenburg. I knew it started with a G.

Confusing Geneva, Genoa and Gothenburg is sorta like confusing Harrisburg, Hartington and Hastings.

Or McCook, Milford and Minatare...

Or Ohiowa, Osceola and Omaha...

Or...

Do I need to go on???

quote:

Confusing Geneva, Genoa and Gothenburg is sorta like confusing Harrisburg, Hartington and Hastings.

Or McCook, Milford and Minatare...

Or Ohiowa, Osceola and Omaha...

Or Schuyler, Scribner and Syracuse

Dear Everyone,

I'm back. Last spring I went to a garden show and saw lots of strange things.. I couldn't understand what was going on and didn't want people to think I was a stupid old lady so I wouldn't ask anybody. Henry, may he rest in peace, always said that if I didn't know what I was talking about I should be still or people would think I was a stupid old lady. I finally broke down and asked my neighbor, Mathilda, she's so nice, and she told me about huskermat.com. I didn't really get my questions answered but I did meet a lot of nice people. I was having questions about how deep to plant my rhododenrums so I wrote a letter to Farmer Burns because farmers usually know how deep to plant things. Farmer Burns, he's so nice, not only told me how deep to plant but he also brought another man and came to my house and planted my rhodendrums for me. Then, when the rhodendrums came up, the rabbits started eating them and I wrote to Cowcatcher. I figured if he could catch big cows he could catch little rabbits. Mr Cowcatcher, he's so nice, also came to my house to catch the rabbits for me. Rabbits must run faster than cows because he couldn't catch any of them but he did chase all of them away. Don't tell him I said this because he's so nice and I don't want to hurt his feelings but the rabbits all came as soon as he left.

This year I have a different question. Last weekend I saw an ad in our monthly newspaper. I hear tell that the folks in Omaha get a different newspaper every day. I can't imagine where they find enough things to write about to fill a whole paper every day. Mrs. Frumpstein, she's so nice, is the editor of our paper and she told me that some months there just isn't anything to write about and she has to skip printing a paper that month. Anyway I saw the ad for a garden show in the next town so I decided to go. This isn't the town where I went last year that got me so confused. I don't think I want to go back to that town. As I got into town I saw a lot of cars in a parking lot and figured this must be the place. As I walked into the building I could hear people talking about the seeding meeting so I figured this must be the garden show and the seeding meeting must be where they showed how to plant seeds. But then I heard other people talking about the seating meeting. I figured that was probably a meeting where they decided who got to sit in the best seats for the seeding meeting. Then I remembered that the senators in Washington, I'm not sure how nice they are, didn't want to seat that Mr. Burris in the senate. I don't know if you've heard but Mr. Obama, who used to be the senator from Illinois is president now. I guess that is a promotion. Henry, may he rest in peace, always said that if you got a chance for a promotion you should take it. I'm not sure if Mrs. Obama will like that promotion. When they showed that picture of the white house where they will live I thought to myself, Oh, that poor Mrs. Obama. She will be working from daybreak late into the night to clean that huge house. And when she's done it will be time to start over again. Anyway, that governor with the funny name appointed Mr. Burris to be the senator in place of Mr. Obama but the people in Washington, DC kept having meetings to keep him from being seated.

So my question is, what's the difference between a seeding meeting and a seating meeting?

Love, Auntie Mame