Yes, the new one is out! The brand new edition of You know you're a redneck when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12.. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

1.Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.

2.You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'

3.You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

1. "You could have been mayor of your town if you only would have had some teeth!"

2. "You ask your Mom why you are the biggest kid in the 4th grade, and she says it is because you are 16!"

1. Your corncob pile is getting smaller since you ran out of toilet paper! (You had already used up your free copy of the New York Times and J C Penney's magazines).

This is really starting to get personal. I resemble several of those remarks, Munster. But, I do have to pass this along.

Our youngest son is getting married in May and his future in-laws asked for a recommended parent's dance tune. I suggested, "Up Against the Wall You Redneck Mother." It didn't go well after that.

1. You polish your motorless junk car sitting on your front lawn because your friends are coming over for moonshine and BBQ'ed raccoon tonight!

2. You go to the town meeting to protest the law requiring you to mow your yard because the 6 foot high weeds make a good blind to hide in when shooting squirrels!

1. Keeping up with the Jones' (or ahead) means having one more goat in the yard to keep it eaten down!

2. "Hell's Angels" have nothing on your family because they have been riding hogs since they were little!

Your toothbrush really is a TOOTH brush as opposed to the TEETH brush that most non-rednecks use.

Your roadkill recipe won third place in the new soups contest in the "Majestic Outhouse" magazine!

You like having no windows in the house because you can shoot pigeons and starlings right from the living room! Yum Yum--Pigeon and starling pie!

You hire a tutor (city slicker) to teach your 13 year old how to read and count to 10; in return, you teach the tutor how to trap skunks and polecats, and how to wash the smell off in the "crick"!

Munster. I serve my roadkill stew on a black table cloth with a dashed, white stripe down the center. The stew is presented in the largest hub cap I could find at the salvage yard, then served in smaller hubcaps (a matched set, of course) with custom made tire irons for spoons. Presentation is everything.

quote:

Originally posted by moosehead:
Munster. I serve my roadkill stew on a black table cloth with a dashed, white stripe down the center. The stew is presented in the largest hub cap I could find at the salvage yard, then served in smaller hubcaps (a matched set, of course) with custom made tire irons for spoons. Presentation is everything.

Moosehead, pretty funny! I didn't realize that you had a Moose's Cafe right there in Holdrege? I love rednecks, they are the salt of the earth. Speaking of salt, I guess you have Billy Bob salting and flattening the hamburgers with his underarm? LOL Yum Yum

Munster. Your are invited for supper at my house anytime you want. Just give me two hours notice, please. One hour to scout the highways and one hour to prepare the meal!

Moose, thanks for the invitation! I will bring the grits, raccoon tongues, blood sausage, rocky mountain oysters, greens (caterpillar goo), finger foods like: tadpoles, crickets, grasshoppers, flies, locust jelly,(all uncooked, of course), and plenty of moonshine to go around!

"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you introduce your wife and your sister... And it's the same woman.

"You know you are a redneck if you did not know Copenhagen is also a city."

"You know you are a redneck if you thought George Clinton was our president." Well, isn't he?