Found this on D2 football. Thought you teachers would enjoy.

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND---The Football Version

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship.
If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.

ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game.
It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind.


If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.

Schu -- that IS the funniest thing I've read in some time.

Don't pass it on to the NSAA, though...it might become law for the 2007 season.

HOW TO STAY AWAKE IN TEACHER INSERVICES: OFFERED AS A PUBLIC SERVICE...

Do you keep falling asleep in teacher meetings and in-services? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, in-service or staff development, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
> > * no child left behind
> > * test scores
> > * core competencies
> > * communication
> > * standards
> > * multiple exposures
> > * benchmarks
> > * proactive
> > * win-win
> > * think outside the box
> > * action plan
> > * result-driven
> > * assessments
> > * knowledge base
> > * at the end of the day
> > * touch base
> > * mindset
> > * differentiated
> > * retention
> > * skills
> > * background knowledge
> > * effective learning
> > * exemplars
> > * implementation
> > * reflection

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally stand up and shout "BULL!"

TESTIMONIALS from satisfied "Bull Bingo" players:
-- "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." -Adam W., Atlanta
-- "My attention span at in-services has improved dramatically." -David T., Orlando
-- "What a gas! Staff development will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan J., New York City
-- "The atmosphere was tense in the last in-service as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G, Denver
-- "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULL!' for the third time in two hours. The Bull**** Bingo Championship will be played at the next in-service." -Rod H., Nashville

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Red Rocker,

Priceless! Useful for everyone!