For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity...

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: They don`t talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32 Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?

Gee thanks, Munster. A couple of those are going to keep me up tonight.

Al, glad you liked it!!!

Why do Kamakize Pilots wear helmets?

pt2b;
I really like that one, but I'll have to think about it awhile. This is really hard on an old polish boy. I'm still working on #16.

This one is kind of serious. In America, the executioner puts a hood on the victim. In Iraq, why does the executioner wear the hood?

#1: This may be petty, but some of the prettiest things I've petted have been sweaty.

#2: Floor, floor, floor, but only on Friday nights.

#3: As Butch said to Sundance, "As long as we make expenses."

#4: Who say's man evolved.

#5: I'm keeping a list.

#6: God helps those who help themselves.

#7: Then there would be no hypothetical conditions and life would be boring.

#8: No, she slaps him up side of his head and he get's the picture.

#9: Yes. Call in a hostage negotiator. Bruce Willis if he's available.

#10: I had to look this one up. Thank God for a Thesarus. Equivalent. Duplicate.

#11: South Beach. As far away from real life as you can get.

12: Call the EPA.

13: No. It's only for looks.

14: No. It's called an ant.

15: It's to keep the Polish people out. I know this for a fact. It takes me three tries to get past the "Return to York" sign on I-80.

16: I'm stuck on this one. Please give me a little more time.

Moose, pretty cool. You put some time and effort into this thread. I especially liked #15. I go by that sign often, too, and wonder how many people turn around and go back to York! LOL

Why do they swab the arm before a Lethal injection? (I think it could have to do with humane treatment but is interesting to think about.)

If a man says something in the woods and there is no woman around to hear him is he still wrong?

If a tree falls in the woods and noone is around does it make a sound?

A few others...

Do illiterate people get the same effect from alphabet soup?

We have satellites that can broadcast radio signals across billions of miles of space...so why does my radio quit working when I go through a tunnel?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why did they write a song about it?

The last one that is now deleted was completely inappropriate Munnster. Don't post that kind of garbage again.

Thank you.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Red Rocker,

RR, I don't know what you are referring to that you deleted? I started the thread with a copy and paste at the top. I only put two more on this thread commenting about Moose's comments, so whatever was offensive, I don't think that I posted it, but I am sorry that it was offensive!
This is shocking to me! Read some of my other posts. I am an old coach who posts mostly positive comments, except on this thread, which I copied because I thought it was amusing. Munster

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Munster,

Munster I read the earlier post and it was Munnster with two n's that posted it.

My apologies to Munster with one "N". I edited the post above. I was so fuming mad at what was posted, I didn't bother to check how many n's there were.

Regardless it was inappropriate and won't be tolerated here. If something similar is posted again, the offender is likely to go to "time out".

Jeez! I go away for a few days to get some work done and miss all the action. Sounds like we had a Mun(n)ster Mash while I was away. Way to lay down the law Red Rocker. Please be advised I checked my guns - er, inappropriate material at the bridge before I rode into town.

Munster with one N, I'm still working on the turtle, but I have discovered that there is a shellless turtle in Indonesia. Don't know if they have permanent homes, however, or just stop at convienient cardboard boxes. I'll let you know, when I know, so you know, if you know what I mean. I'm a little confused myself at the moment.

Why do croutons come in air-tight bags? Aren't they just stale bread anyway?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

B cse its esr to read.

Why does a hefty individual (like myself) order a whopper, large fries, and a DIET COKE? Isn't the diet coke an oxymoron, or is it just me who is the moron?

I assume that's a rhetorical question????