The following is not meant as a criticism of anyone on this forum. I, as well as many on this site, am guilty of the grammatical sins listed below. Rules are meant to be tested and occassionally broken, especially the rules of the english language. I'm posting the following entirely for entertainment purposes only, not as a critisism of any participants of this forum. Here are William Safire's "Fumblerules"

* Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
* Don't use no double negatives.
* Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.
* Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it where its not needed.
* Do not put statements in the negative form.
* Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
* No sentence fragments.
* Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
* Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
* If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
* A writer must not shift your point of view.
* Eschew dialect, irregardless.
* And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
* Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
* Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
* Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hypens.
* Write all adverbial forms correct.
* Don't use contactions in formal writing.
* Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
* It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
* If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
* Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
* Take the bull by the horns and avoid mixed metaphors.
* Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
* Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
* Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
* If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
* Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
* Don't string to many propositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
* Alway pick the correct idiom.
* "Avoid overuse of'quotation "marks.""
* The adverb always follows the verb.
* Last but not least, avoid cliche's like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

I might add.

* Consult the dictionery to avoid mispelings.
* Spel chek yor werk.
* Who needs rhetorical questions?
* Try to be specific.
* One should never generalize.
* Eschew obfuscation.
* Employ the vernacular.
* Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
* Puns are for children, not groan readers.

and to close,
* Profanity, sucks.

Above all else, however, "don't let the rules of english grammar prevent you from posting a comment on this site." You're among friends here.

I ain't got know wards to describ this here neaddle and thread!!!!! If ya caan't comoonicate, how is ya going to git bye in liffe???


PS By the way, Moose, good thread!

Munster, what are you doing up at this time of night. I thought you got excommunicated from this site. Sorry, I remember, that was Mun(n)ster with 2 n's.

Ha Ha--I was almost afraid to post, but your thread drew me back to the postings!

Show no fear, Munster, never, ever, let them see you sweat. I was just bored and tired of playing sudoku. Glad I could share an entertaining posting with someone else. I'm just waiting up to see if the Division II matchups get posted tonight. See ya later, dude.

Sudoku is so addictive. I love to do them, too, but the ones with few numbers are tough. I watched the Iowa State Championships tonight! Good wrestling! Have a good night!

As Yogi Berra might have said, but didn't: "How can you find a word in the dictionary if you can't spell it, and you don't know what it means?"


Here is another poser! If you shave your head, are you in the service or are you Britney Spears? Inquiring minds want to know!

I buzzed my dome the other night -- not sure that I qualify under either...and have no real desire or need to have the former spouse come over to visit and make sure I'm OK.

Now, if somebody ELSE's former spouse wanted to come over and visit...that'd be somethin' completely diff'rent...LOL.

NWI, I meant no disrespect to anyone (including you) who has buzzed his or her hair and are not in the service or Britney Spears! Enjoy the freedom of not shampooing, drying, spraying, etc that one normally does with ones hair!

Sachel Paige once said: "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?"

Believe me, Munster -- no disrespect felt or intended. And I DO enjoy taking 3-5 minutes off my daily shower routine...means 3-5 extra minutes of playing with the snooze button...LOL.

Munster. Thanks for bringing Satchel Paige into this thread. Satch and Yogi are tied, in my humble opinion, as the greatest philosophers of all time. I try to follow the Satch's advise in that:
Don't run, when you can walk.
Don't walk, when you can stand.
Don't stand, when you can sit.
And don't sit when you can lie down.
Good advise as far as I'm concerned.

Also, don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

Also good advise.

And don't apologize to NWI. I'm almost certain he shampoos with the nearest bar of soap. Unlike me, who is much more sophisticated and shampoos with 'Old Roy', just like my dog. Image is everything, ya know.

My head has never met a bar of soap it didn't like...LOL.

NWI. Do you ever sleep? Or, are you like the old Lone Ranger and always just over the horizon. Who was that masked man? Good to hear from you NWI. Keep up the good works.

Actually -- I've been sicker than 100 rabid dogs over the weekend, bouncing back and forth between the recliner, the bed and the boys' room.

Thank God for iBook G4 laptops, that's all I can say...

Hope you get to feeling better NWI. Please don't bite anybody. Sincerely, Moosehead.

My head feels like it weighs 100 pounds, which is an improvement over the 2-ton rock I had yesterday.

NWI, hope you are feeling better today! I would miss your sense of humor, irony, and sarcasm if you were to be sick too long! Munster

Moose, how long have you lived in Holdrege?

Munster...the rock now weighs about 50 pounds -- wasn't too big a problem as long as I didn't spend too much time concentrating on work.

Hopefully, the brain will be back to its normal weight -- just hope what little knowledge I still have doesn't disappear, too...LOL.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day about the fact that in many languages, such as English, a double negative forms a positive, while in other languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. "However," he pointed out, "in no language can a double positive form a negative."

A bored voice from the back of the room responded, "Yeah, yeah...."

Good one Munnster!

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

PS What happened to Moosehead? Hope you are not on a wall someplace in western Nebraska?